Black Friday

This year Cecil and I decided to take the plunge... shopping on Black Friday. I researched the deals for weeks and figured where we would need to be at what times to ensure we got what we wanted. A little crazy, I know. The schedule was as follows:

Toys R' Us - Arrive at 11p, store opens at 12a
Walmart - Arrive immediately after leaving Toys R' Us, deals begin at 5a (store is open 24 hours)
Target - Arrive immediately after leaving Walmart, deals begin at 5a
Meijer - Arrive immediately after leaving Target, deals begin at 5a

Sadly, we had to really price out things well since most stores open at the same time and I'm having no luck so far with being in 2 places at once.

So, after waking up bright and early and being on my feet all day it was finally time to head out. We grabbed our coffees, dropped Cecil's car off at Walmart and headed in my car to Toys R' Us. The fact that Best Buy already had tents of people lining the building at 11p and they aren't opening until 5a did not give me high hopes.

Arriving at Toys R' Us the line wasn't bad at all. We were still in the Toys R' Us parking lot and we were probably 100 people back from the door. In a matter of 20 minutes, the line multiplied by 5. Insanity.

The moment the doors opened at 12a several bastards waiting and staying warm in their cars got out and charged the doors. I'm not a fan of cutsies. The police pulled in and put a stop to that. After chanting 'back of the line' for 2 minutes they did indeed get sent to the back of the line. About 50 people decided to linger by the cars and wait for the end of the line to get to the them... fine... but don't cut me. While eyeballing the lingerers I decided that Black Friday truly brings out the best in society. I noticed several newborn babies in the freezing weather, as well as a pregnant chick in a belly shirt. Sexy.

When it was our turn to enter the store the lingerers had again crept up to the doors again. The cops stopped us AGAIN. Instead of sending them to the line they let them in! Obviously, chaos erupted in the line with the cop yelling 'I don't give a fuck, there will still be toys when you get in. It's a fire hazard.' Bad move. I truly thought the cops were going down. Cecil and I ran into the store to avoid getting arrested. We got a decent lot of toys and headed out. While waiting in line for checkout for at least an hour 2 fights started in the store. I watched of course... I'm nosy like that.

After leaving we grabbed a McDonald's breakfast meal and headed off to Walmart with 2 things in mind: A $50 Rock Band for our little cousins and a $90 Nintendo DS... for me. We got there at 2a and saw the stack of Rock Bands in the middle of the isle. I ran my cart up to the stack and stood directly in front of one of the stacks of boxes. There were only about 8 people there - so far so good. Now for the 3 hour wait.. ugh. Being social I chatted up my fellow Black Friday shoppers. The person immediately next to me was an elderly fellow who couldn't speak. Now... I don't know sign language... but I was completely impressed with my ability to have a conversation with this man. His wife, directly behind him was a large woman on a scooter. We collaborated and formed a game plan - they wanted PS3 Rock Bands and I wanted an Xbox 360 Rock Band. Fortunately, I was standing in front of a stack of 3 Xbox 360 sets and they were standing in front of the Playstation 3 sets next to me. So.. knowing the craziness that is Black Friday I had scooter lady position herself to make a barrier behind her husband, and positioned my cart to connect with her scooter and make an enclosure around us both. Protection first right? That way - no one could bum rush us and knock us down.

At some point I decided I needed to stock up on the sale they had for kids jammies. My nice new friends watched my station and I grabbed what I could. Cecil.. waiting in line for the DS was dumbfounded at my ability to create an alliance with handicapped strangers. It's a gift.

Around 4a the group started getting bigger. Everyone had manned their stations and collaborated to make sure they got what they had been waiting hours for. We all watched each others backs as the bum rushers scoped us out. An obnoxious drunk college kid decided he didn't want to wait for 5a. He grabbed a Rock Band and ran. One of the 3 managers/workers saw it and chased him and we all watched in anger as he disappeared between the racks of clothing. As the worker came back, box in tow we clapped and cheered. I made sure to let all my new friends know that if that weirdo came back I was giving him a swift kick in the nads. His friend heard me... disappeared... and they never returned. Good ridden.

As it crept closer to 5a I decided that in light of the previous indecent I would throw out a loud and deliberate warning to the ever growing crowd. At that moment, I noticed someone had moved my cart and was standing next to me. Bad move. I glared at her and said 'uh, where's my cart?' She moved it up a bit and I banged her with it as I put it back where it was stating, 'See this? That's my purse and the rest of my shit. The cart stays here.' That was the end of that. Don't mess with my barrier... it will get nasty.

With that being done I threw out my warning to everyone in the immediate vicinity that might be injured. I advised that I would be bear hugging my Rock Band, turning 180 degrees to the right, putting it in my cart and shoving my cart backwards to get out of the way.' With that said.. most people did take a quick step out of the way - who wants a large purple bruise from a cart? No one. The worker that had been chatting with our group was unfortunately in my direct line of fire on my escape route. I kindly let him know while show him my estimated trajectory, 'you have been warned. No mercy at 5a.'

At 4:56a everyone started making the countdown. Apparently, the person that yelled 'it's 5a' was mistaken. Everyone lurched and grabbed their boxes. My hug, twist, throw, push and exit strategy was flawless. I successful exited the mob and parked my cart by the vegetables to await Cecil's return.

At this point I saw Cecil making his way to me. At the exact moment our eyes met I heard someone shout 'It's not 5a put them back now!' from a worker. Confused on what to do Cecil and I locked eyes, put on our game faces and gave a quick nod. I bolted, cart in tow. As I passed Cecil all I heard was 'go go go' and that's what I did. I weaved through the clothing racks trying to avoid eyes with anyone that worked in Walmart knowing that if I could hold out for a few minutes we'd be safe. When we made it to the other end of the store I knew we were clear. We high fived, slapped ass and continued shopping. A true 007 moment.

We made our way to Target and everything went smoothly there. The 5a rush had ended while we were in Walmart and we shopped for the rest of our list delighted that we at least obtained the Rock Band that we wanted. Cecil was still a bit miffed at not getting a DS... but it was fine. I wasn't upset.

As we pulled into our driveway the sun was starting to rise. 8:00a... we'd been up playing football, cooking, eating, shopping and running for a straight 24 hours. I was almost so tired that I wasn't tired anymore. I walked into the house with the gifts and saw Skyler sitting on the couch with my mom. Damn it... little sneak. We ran the gifts upstairs and told my mom about our night. We slept for a few hours and began life again as usual.

In the end, it was worth the chaos, near fist fights and incredible back pain. Cec and I had fun together which I think made it more special. I still don't think my energy is back 100% even though a week has passed since the fiasco. I'll get there. And anxiously await next years 007 operation.